Freedom

I want to share one of the most amazing and freeing moments that I have ever experienced. It was a moment of grace meeting shame, of light being shed onto darkness, of a broken heart beginning to feel healing. I want to share this moment because of the hope that it has provided me yesterday and in waking up this morning.

Yesterday, I shared my full story of what happened the night I was raped with a very dear friend. It was probably one of the scariest moments, to be so vulnerable, there was a lot of fear of rejection and judgement. But I felt the need to share my story, so I did. After she read what I wrote I received the most comforting hug, a hug that told me it was okay and that I was loved. That was confirmed by words that left me feeling validated, supported, accepted, and loved. It was a moment of grace colliding with darkness as a huge burden felt lifted off my shoulders, as I felt free to be known in a new way and still be truly loved.

This is what it means to be in ‪real relationship. This is what it means to be a conduit of Jesus and his love. This is what it means to walk in the middle of ‪real life. It was a moment of risk and it was well‪ worth the risk. Today I am thankful to have an amazing friend who has with me through a lot of storms, who I could share my story with, and who has loved me regardless.

This makes me thankful that I am a part of a church family who loves like crazy and prays their guts out and isn’t afraid to go through some mud, rain, and floods. Because now I can share this moment and confidently say God knew that through all of the struggles and pain I would get to experience this amazing moment. And it is one I don’t think that I would trade for anything. I think this begins a new chapter for me, one of continued healing, but in a new way where light is meeting some of the shame I felt in the dark because I was afraid to face my fears. But that’s not where I am in this moment. In this moment I’m ready to let the light meet the dark and be covered in grace.

The song Healing Begins by Tenth Avenue North seems perfect for this moment:

So you thought you had to keep this up
All the work that you do
So we think that you’re good
And you can’t believe it’s not enough
All the walls you built up
Are just glass on the outside

So let ’em fall down
There’s freedom waiting in the sound
When you let your walls fall to the ground
We’re here now

This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you’re broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark

Afraid to let your secrets out
Everything that you hide
Can come crashing through the door now
But too scared to face all your fear
So you hide but you find
That the shame won’t disappear

So let it fall down
There’s freedom waiting in the sound
When you let your walls fall to the ground
We’re here now
We’re here now, oh

This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you’re broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark

Sparks will fly as grace collides
With the dark inside of us
So please don’t fight
This coming light
Let this blood come cover us
His blood can cover us

This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you’re broken within
The light meets the dark

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