Breathe, it was just a bad night. Nothing more, nothing less. And it’s okay that it was a hard night. Those nights are going to happen and it doesn’t haven’t to become the vicious cycle it has in the past.
That is the pep talk I had to give myself this morning. The fact that I can step back and say that and believe it is a reason to celebrate. It just shows how much growth has happened, how much healing God has done in my heart, and how I am learning to live freely. Let me share about one of the struggles after being raped, nightmares. These aren’t just a bad dream, they usually are feeling as if I am reliving part of it. There are times I have woken up crying, in complete panic, or even feeling sore as if it had all happened again. Before that would lead to a very vicious cycle, of feeling completely panicked and out of control, which then would lead to panics throughout the day, then not sleeping again. Then the more exhausted and sleep deprived I got the less rational about it all I was able to be, because then it became so overwhelming that there seemed no way out. Then as that hopelessness set it, panic, anxiety and fear would win over and over again. But today it is different.
Some days I am able to handle it better and remind myself of the truth. And today is one of those days. Because I know I have a Savior who loves me, who is my shield, my protector, my comforter, and he is jealous for me even after a bad night. So today I am saying last night was a tough night, nothing more than that so it doesn’t get to change my week, my heart, or even today. Today I am going to choose to say, I have a Savior so madly in love with me he died on the cross, he knows my tears, my fears, but also my dreams. And as I cling to that truth the hard night ends right there, because it is a new day with new mercies. And that is a reason to worship.