Continued forgiveness

Here I am almost 3 years later. It will be 3 years at the end of this month that you raped me. I will never know why. And I still have times that I have to remind myself that all the anger and hate isn’t mine to hold, that I don’t have to be stuck there in that place. This year, I have been thinking and I want you to know something. I have been praying for God to give me his eyes for you, to soften my heart, to keep it soft towards you. And he has done just that.

If I could have a conversation with you today it would look different than even a year ago. Then it would have been a deep longing to know why and wanting you to know what all this has put me through. But not now. If I could have a conversation with you, I would want to know your name. I would want to hear your story. Then I would tell you, that you are loved and you are a son of God. That nothing will change that and that he is calling you by name. That there is a father who loves you and he has greater things planned for you if you are willing seek and accept him into your heart.

I would tell you these things because of a song. It’s called I Want Christmas Back by Everfound

It’s hard to sing a Christmas song when your heart’s in shadows
Feeling anything but calm, joy or peace
I’m tired of the dark memories the season harbors
So lead me back to the light this season brings

I want Christmas back
I want Christmas back
I don’t want the past
To hold Christmas back
So tell me what it takes to fix this
‘Cause tonight is full of new beginnings
I don’t want the past
I want Christmas back

I want to feel it again
I want to feel it, feel it again

Looking to the sky for the star that broke the darkness
I’m looking to the only One who can bring the dawn
I wanna be reminded of the story of forgiveness
Lead me out of the night
Lead me into the light
Lead me back to the true joy of the night

So I hear the lyrics of this song and the first thing that came to my mind was genuine forgiveness, that is the light, that is the reason to celebrate. That it is because of forgiveness that there is hope, that forgiveness and grace gives me another chance each day. And that is he joy of the season. It is celebrating the birth of a marvelous savior who took the weight of each of our sins and said I am going to defeat hell and my blood will pay the price. And that same forgiveness is there for you. You just have to seek it out from God.

My prayer for you has prayer now is that you would know that you are loved. That just like my past doesn’t define me, yours doesn’t have to define you either. I am praying for you to experience that love, forgiveness, and the power of grace. I hope that you have people who will walk alongside you and teach you how to be a Godly man, one whose heart is drastically different then that night 3 years ago. I pray that you would see your worth and following God’s calling to be his son. That you would seek that deep relationship with him. I pray that your life would have light, joy and peace. Because I have that. And it isn’t because I deserve it and it isn’t my gift to give or my gift to withhold. I can only share. And if I could talk to you that is what I would want you to know. Because this is just the brokenness of the world. And despite Satan winning in the moment you could be a kingdom changer. You have a story and it could lead men to have respect for women through your repentance, it could lead women to realize their worth through your acknowledgement. You may have a daughter that you teach to be an adorned princess of the king, or a son who you teach to be a strong warrior of his princess. And at the end of the day that would be a kingdom victory. And that is the reason for joy, that is the reason Jesus was born. And that is why I simply want you to know you are a loved child of God.


2 thoughts on “Continued forgiveness

  1. I came a crossed your blog and I’m so glad I did. I’m a survivor as well and I’m slowly but surely becoming a thriver.

    Thanks for your words and I wish you the best in your journey. Healing hugs and thoughts,

    Liked by 1 person

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