I sit here while in the process of going through a divorce and this scripture keeps coming to mind: “And the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate” Mark 10:8-9. It comes to mind to explain the hurt of this process. My husband and I had taken vows, we took a covenant, we became one flesh. Through this process we are literally pulling apart from being one flesh to two flesh again. This was never God’s intention, yet he is all knowing and none of this surprises Him.
Last week I was served with papers. My heart filled with emotions that are difficult to describe. There was hurt filled with betrayal and abandonment. Sadness for the dreams that have to be laid to rest for now, grief for a loss that came suddenly and unexpectedly, and weeping over what is to come. Anger for the fact that God did not intend marriage to look like this, for a yearning for justice, and for a guarding of my heart from all the injustices. The tearing of flesh creates a whirlwind of emotions, the kind of emotions that make it hard to eat, create a knotted pit in my stomach, make my muscles tense and tight, and cause tossing and turning at night from a mind that will not slow down. Going through this process brings a new understanding to Malachi 2:16: “For I hate divorce!’ Says the Lord, the God of Israel. ‘To divorce your wife is to overwhelm her with cruelty’ says the Lord of heaven’s armies.” My heart was not made to endure such hurts and it is a cruel process.
The way I have found to endure the hurts and trials is to turn to God. There has been great comfort in the Psalms. Just as the psalmists, often David, pour out their hearts wrecked by emotions, battles, persecution and deep troubles, yet, there is hope. That hope is in God and his ability to be a protector, a shepherd, a healer, a comforter and all through His glory. David cries out to God with an expectation that God is going to show up. David trusts in God’s promises and I’m learning to do that in the midst of struggle.
I am learning even more what real relationship looks like. I have amazing friends and family by my side that point me back to the truth when it doesn’t feel like I’m okay or when it all seems like too much. There have been lots of helpful things but these are the top. Asking how I am doing and genuinely wanting to know what is going on. Spending time with me and allowing me to be in whatever mode or experience whatever emotion I have in that moment. Having a meal with me. Simply being my friend without judgment and having empathy where possible. All of these things have made this process endurable.
I have learned through my experiences and the way that God heals in the Bible that when things are broken there is an opportunity for God to shine through with His redemptive powers. I am trusting that He is showing up in each of these moments and that He is going to use this hurt for His good. I know that I am learning a lot and am gaining an understanding as to why God hates divorce. I hate it too.